Everything Happens For A Reason
Three years ago I received a text that flipped my world upside down. It was from my husband and it read: “I don’t want to be married anymore.” At the time, I felt our nine year marriage was the most solid it had ever been, so I felt utterly blind-sided.
Through the ensuing chaos, our three extraordinary, ambitious, crazy little boys were my top priority, but I didn’t think I could do it all by myself. In the midst of my despair, I had to find enough love and strength to take care of these three innocent little people who didn’t understand what was going on. With the support of loved ones who reminded me that everything happens for a reason, I broke free of that abusive relationship and am now living and creating my own story. I believe that other women searching for answers need to hear stories like mine, so they can stop blaming themselves.
I believed from a young age that there were two things that would make all my dreams come true. First, to become a wife, and second, to become a mother. Both of my dreams came true and I can’t describe how wonderful that felt. I married my hero shortly after turning 21. He sacrificed so much in the career path he chose. Our life together was like a timeline, each year held big events that marked another year of our story. After a few happily married years, we received news that we were expecting our first child only days before receiving my husband’s deployment orders. It wasn’t easy, but I was happy.
Over our first seven years of marriage we survived the purchase of our first home, the birth of our first son, my husband’s deployment, career changes, an ectopic pregnancy, and the births of two more wonderful little boys who are only 11 months apart. Our lives felt so perfect. So crazy, but so perfect.
My marriage felt wholesome, my children were healthy and growing so fast, and we were fortunate with our home and our jobs. I was living my dreams! But in what seemed like the blink of an eye, my life — which had felt so perfect, so wholesome, and so much like the dream I’d had since I was a little girl — came to a screeching halt.
“I don’t want to be married anymore.”
I’ll never forget receiving that unexpected, gut-wrenching text. My life went from whole to shattered in the few seconds it took me to scan the screen with my eyes. Everything I had ever hoped for, dreamed of, and accomplished became a huge question mark. Life had been going so perfectly. I was so happy. How could this be?
Our “perfect” life as I knew it, or thought I knew it, was not the fairytale I had hoped for my entire life.
That day, though terrible at the outset, began the constant evolution of how I saw my own story. I had to look back at all of our years together, to face the truth and pain of my own past. I had to realize that the picture perfect vision of our life which I had created in my mind wasn’t exactly accurate — our life together had definitely not been as glamorous as I’d allowed myself to believe. That self-examination taught me to dig deep for the love and courage I would need to make a new life for myself and my three little boys.
What do we women do when everything is crashing down around us? We begin to rebuild! We create our new reality! We find strength in ourselves, our children, and each other! And we continue to love those around us as if we’ve never been hurt! But how? Everyone said to give it time, and they were right. Time will heal all wounds.
I have one motto that I’ve carried with me throughout the entirety of my life, and that is that everything happens for a reason. Although it sounds cliché, it’s the only answer that’s allowed me to overcome the cards I’ve been dealt. With the support and validation of friends and family, I was able to take a deep breath and remind myself that truly, everything DOES happen for a reason!
I am a mother first and foremost. My three precious, ornery, unique young boys are now 9, 7, and 6 — and they are thriving! They watch out for me the same as I watch out for them. They’re living proof that we receive untold blessings even when life doesn’t seem to be going as planned. Life doesn’t always play out the way we imagine it will. That white picket fence may not last forever. But now I have the courage to admit that I am stronger, I am free of abuse, and I am able to live and continue creating the story that was written for me.
When I share my story, I find that those I share it with find the strength to share their own story. So many women realize that they too have gone through great hardship and felt all alone during the process — we need to stand up together, share our stories, and support one another. I can only hope that my story of overcoming the end of my marriage will shine a light at the end of whatever tunnel you face, and serve as a gentle reminder that everything happens for a reason.